The Sweet Aroma of Friends

There was a period of many years when my life was filled with a lot of fluff and nonsense, surface relationships and allowing people to see only what I wanted them to see. The tragedy in that, of course, is that the people I had those relationships with were pretty much the same.
I had no idea what I was missing.
An enormous freedom comes in being myself and allowing others to see that self. More than that,

​not trying to be who I perceive they might want me to be just to be liked has brought deep, satisfying, and lasting relationships.
True relationship comes from deep and vulnerable places. After reading Mary Kassian’s book, “Girls Gone Wise in a World Gone Wild”, I began measuring relationships in a way that she spoke of in her book: does this relationship make me a better Shari in all of the fullness that God created me to be? Conversely, does the relationship they have with me make them a better them in all the depth and fullness that God created them to be?

Just as Jesus surrounded Himself in layers (first Peter, John, and James, then the other nine disciples, then an outer circle of disciples, etc.), so I have surrounded myself in layers (excluding my husband, sons, and daughter-in-law who live with me and see up-close-and-personal all the trash in my life). My inner circle consists of my two best girlfriends from whom I keep zero – and I mean zero – secrets. This not only maintains accountability but also brings everything into the light. The devil cannot torment us about what we’ve brought into the light – only what we try to hide in the darkness.
Now, just because they know everything doesn’t mean that everybody has to know everything. I’m thankful that I don’t know everything about everybody I call ‘friend’ – that could be awkward!! Girding that small circle, a larger ring of about a half dozen people who know almost everything about me appears. These are folks I know I can always count on in a pinch and vice versa. The third ring expands to a few dozen people – people I enjoy spending time with and with whom I share deep, meaningful conversation. These relationships are essential, completely worth the investment of time and resources as they give me life, energy, and great joy!

Over the past couple of weeks, I had four encounters with friends I have long loved and appreciated, but don’t have opportunity to spend much time with. Friends who look and probe deeply into my soul and allow me to do the same. To me, these are small glimpses of our eternal heavenly existence: an ease of conversation, a sharpening of our edges (in terms of affirming identity), and a sharing of our pilgrimage experience. Our “pilgrim's progress" if you will. Solomon’s proverb sums up these reunions: "Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel" Prov 27:9 (ESV).

The encouragement and affirmation – the “earnest counsel” – that comes from a friend who knows me well, shares my heart, and trusts me with theirs, does indeed make my heart glad. It buoys my spirit to overflowing with love and gratitude for their friendship that stems from our common denominator: the firm foundation that is Jesus. This was made so very plain to me as one of the encounters was with one whom I had not seen for twelve years when her family moved out of the country. Immediately and without hesitation, the friendship resumed as if we’d seen each other every day, not with the space of a twelve-year gap.

I am so thankful for my family of friends – brothers and sisters with whom I journey through life. I pray I am considered as such a friend to them.